We're not allowed to hang up on people . . .

Paramedic dispatch, what's the address of the emergency?
(slurred) What emergency?
What address do you need an ambulance to sir?
(more slurred) I got a cut on my arm.
What address are you at sir?
(etc. with the slurring) I'm at my mom's house.
Where exactly is that sir?
Why do you want to know?
Well, you've called the paramedics, I need to know where to send the ambulance.
I don't need an ambulance, my arm is all cut up.
How did your arm get cut?
Why do you want to know?
I'm just trying to help you sir, I need to tell the ambulance where you are and what's wrong with you.
They told me to phone you.
Who did sir?
The hospital.
The hospital told you to call 911? Where are you right now sir?
At my mom's house. My arm is sore.
Sir, I can't send the paramedics to help you if you don't tell me your address.
I don't need an ambulance, I need something for my arm.
Well, the paramedics will look at your arm when they get there. What happened to your arm?
Someone cut it.
With what?
A knife.
When did this happen sir?
A couple days ago.
And you would like an ambulance now?
No, I just want my prescription.
We don't give prescriptions sir, you can get one from the hospital though, the ambulance will take you there.
I was just at the hospital. They told me to call you.
The hospital told you to call 911?
Yes, to get my prescription.
Sir, you've called emergency services for an ambulance, do you need an ambulance?
No, I need Tylenol 3's, I have a prescription. They told me to phone you.
Sir, do you want me to send an ambulance to you?
Will they bring me Tylenol 3's?
No sir, they'll take you to the hospital though.
I was just at the hospital. They gave me a prescription and told me to call you. Now you're going to tell me I'm taking up a line or something right?
Well sir, you are. You've called 911 and if you don't want an ambulance, I'm not sure what else I can do for you.
Well I need this prescription.
Perhaps you could try going to a pharmacy?
How will I get there?
I'm not sure sir, but the only place the ambulance can take you is to the hospital.
Fine. You're no help at all. Bye. (click)

And the winner is . . .

Some guy in Saskatchewan!

My hopes of a flurry of last minute bidding came true as I excitedly watched the price of my bike frame soar from $100 to $280 in the last 45 seconds of the auction. Now I'm preparing to send the frame on the bus to it's new home in Regina. Seeing as I had tried to give the darn thing a way to probably a dozen people, I am quite glad to have had such a successful ebay experience. Unfortunately I don't have anything else to sell that would generate such interest - except maybe Janet, but since I can't post her by mail I guess she'll have to stay.

Meanwhile, back at the cat ranch, spring has sprung and the unseasonably warm weather has generated a rash of window washing and cleaning. There has also been a fair amount of chatter with the new plants that are popping up all over my yard - including a few that I had thought excavated by the evil grounds keepers last year. They are all a welcome surprise, although I am a little concerned about the potential of a drastic change in weather and the effect that would have on the whole situation. Hopefully there will be enough warning that I can tuck them all under sheets until the threat passes.

The next big event on the horizon is my favorite holiday, which I plan to spend with my favorite critters shooting things while wearing green. Hopefully the donkey hasn't frozen to death in Alaska and the badger hasn't cut off any digits that would impair her marksmanship. LLTL!!! And best of luck to my fuzzy friend and grumbling beast of burden.

Exciting Times in Cowtown

Ok, so the excitement does not extend to all of Calgary, but it certainly encompasses a certain townhouse in the city limits. Why, you may ask, is excitement bursting forth from the seams of Unit 11? One word . . . ebay.

Yes folks, that's right, I have boldly gone where millions have gone before. The nail-biting world of online auctioning. After many attempts to convince tall-statured friends to enjoy my old bike frame, I have turned to bigger and better markets. Now, I wait. Anticipating the glorious riches of having offered a top quality and hard to come by product.

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=98083&item=7139606195&rd=1

Now all of you too can watch my dream become reality. And yes, I know there is only one bid on it, but the sale is still 4 days, 3 hours, and 50 minutes away from being finished; there are 25 eager ebayers watching the sale in anticipation of participating in the end-time bidding frenzy; and every day my inbox is full of messages from the curious and the cut-throat alike asking questions about my precious product.

Ahhhhh. The free market. Supply and demand, ladies and gentlemen, and this time there is only one Schwinn Homegrown Pro - Bass boat blue and featherlight too.

:o)

And for all of you wondering about the enigma of daylight savings time while you have nothing better to do, all you ever wanted to know (and much, much, more than you ever needed to know) can be found here: http://webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/index.html.